one might say we're banned from that church
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We left the knife in your bed.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
