You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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