Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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