it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think i got beer on your cat.
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