Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Houston, we have a squirter
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
