i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
