everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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