Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
