Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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