I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
