she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize