I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I made him laugh his dick is mine
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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