I like my sex mixed with concussions.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
