after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
