Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
