Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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