don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
