Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
