Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
