i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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