I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
