You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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