Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
