why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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