im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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