I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i think i have two assholes
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
