i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
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Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
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I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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