Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
