i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
