If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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