Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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