Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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