I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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