i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
