I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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