Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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