I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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