I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
