If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
