Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
