That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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