On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
