3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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