dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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