do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
