i permit you to call me
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
