tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
