Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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