sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
