I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
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Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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