According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
