First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
