i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
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I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
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The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
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