I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
