Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can't put those talents on a resume
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
