he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
