I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
