But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
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After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
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Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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