What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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