At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
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The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
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I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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