Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
