No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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