My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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