shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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