Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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