barbara walters just said penis...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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