ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
