She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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