We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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