He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
